the hardest trier

One evening when I was in high school my friends and I were sitting around someone’s house drinking. The group’s attention was on Ben, as it often was, and he was issuing slurred praise for his oldest and dearest buddy, Paul, who wasn’t in attendance.

Ben was handsome, charming and self-possessed. He had an easy swagger. He was magnetic and wry. Paul was none of these things. He was awkward. He said things that I cringed at. He wasn’t someone I ever hung out with one-on-one. But Ben loved Paul to his core.

“Paul… Paul is the hardest trier I know.”

My friends and I were in immediate laughter at the statement. It was objectively funny in its awkwardness, but moreover, it rang true. I can’t say why my other friends laughed, but I know why I did. In my mind “hardest trier” equated to “try hard”. My humour was mean-spirited.

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But here’s the thing: Ben’s statement about Paul has stuck with me for decades. They both seemed to know something that has taken me years to discover.

Paul wasn’t particularly gifted at anything, but he did all kinds of things. He tried things that I was afraid to try. He played in a band, he went out for sports. I limited myself to what I knew I was good at and in effect, was hiding my light under a bushel.

These days I want to be the hardest trier I know. Moreover, I want you to be the hardest trier you know.

Trying is putting it out there at the risk of getting it wrong. It’s the potential of failure. It’s feeling clumsy. It’s vulnerability. Being the hardest trier is fearlessness. It’s a big middle finger to external validation. It’s doing something for the sake of doing it and not making the result the reason.

And it sure isn’t being a try hard. It’s the opposite. Try hards hope to impress for the sake of approval. Which was what I was doing back then and for many years afterwards.

To hell with that. This month I’ll be the hardest trier at:
- head stands in my yoga practice
- playing piano
- showing up on social media in ways that feel fun, not forced

How will you be the hardest trier, friends? I want to know.

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Trying hard not to shoot my eye out. Image by little jack films.