regrowth

Last month I watched an episode of Joe Pera Talks With You called Joe Pera Takes You On A Fall Drive.

In his stilted everyman style of philosophizing, Joe wonders why jack-o-lanterns have always scared him. His friend Gene answers that it’s because every time you carve a pumpkin you give it a piece of your soul – one sixteenth to be exact. Joe asks the obvious question of whether he has no soul left, given the number of pumpkins he’s carved in his lifetime. Gene answers that it’s possible to regrow your soul. Joe asks how and Gene recommends a Carnival Cruise. Joe decides instead that he will replenish his pumpkin soul deficit by undertaking a fall drive on the Saturday following Halloween.

I found this all to be unexpectedly inspirational. To recognize those moments when my soul grows. When I take a moment to let some simple beauty overtake me. I’m pretty sure this is the underlying point of self-care: soul regrowth.

We didn’t manage to carve our pumpkins this year and thus retained the one sixteenth we stood to lose. However, I think we did carve off a portion of our souls during the several nights spent comforting Trip while he teethed six new chiclets all at once — which was the very reason we didn’t find the energy to create our Halloween jack-o-lanterns.

Another slice of soul was spoken for by winter’s unapologetic entrance. This year it took everything over at once; like a family member who you will always agree to host even though they claim more physical and emotional space than you can ever prepare for.

Yet another portion of soul was lost to a suckerpunch from our provincial government. A man convicted of killing his wife in a high profile 1980s’ trial was invited to be a special guest at the throne speech. The invitation was issued by an MLA in our governing party. That one took a large chunk outta me.

Suffice to say that my soul was feeling thin.

A fall drive didn’t quite feel like the right fix for me. Instead, I looked at the pumpkins, still whole and sitting in our hall. I picked one up while Trip was occupied with a snack. I sharpened my largest knife and then easily split the pumpkin in half. Trip vocalized a big and joyful “ah-HA!” when he saw the inside of a pumpkin for the first time. And I felt a little fuller immediately. I roasted the pumpkin and the house took on its beautiful smell. I cleaned up the seeds and toasted them with salt and pepper. I put it all into containers and into the fridge. Tomorrow I’ll make soup or curry or something else. I’ll also figure out what to do with the other pumpkin – aside from peeling it, because I already did that just to see what a naked gourd looks like.

It’s good to know that souls can regrow. Whether you choose to give a little to a jack-o-lantern or whether it’s unapologetically sucked out of your eyeballs by an doltish and unthinking politician, there is still hope.

There is always hope.

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Thanks to everyone for reading. If you’re in the Saskatoon area on November 26th I’ll be playing (and filming) a show at The Bassment with Bryn Besse at my side. I’m a bit nervous about singing new material so come and cheer me on. ♡